Exercising with God on a stationary bike

About the only person, besides my brother and father, that can substantiate any of what I say or do is my friend Pauleen. We've known one another since Kindergarten. She is in the photos above with me and the boys, and my husband and eldest little man. She was my matron of honor at my wedding, and has been a constant sounding board. I know she thinks that I help her more than she helps me, but I think it's pretty even :)

This blog started as a weight loss blog, what it has become is God saying clearly, “Deal with the junk in your head before you deal with the junk in your trunk.” Granted, that’s more along the lines of what I would say, opposed to what I think God would say, but He meets us where we are. Hence the cool sense of humor, He knows and loves me in spite of me, and He wants the best for me.

The last two weeks since the boys return to school, I’ve been working out at the clubhouse facility; I am, for lack of a better term, kicking my own butt! I have been riding the stationary for 2 to 2.7 miles every day, the program runs itself and that level 14 is a killer!!! :)

I digress. I’ve been sitting in God’s word the last few weeks. When I think of my boys, I think of God. I thank Him for bringing them into my life, despite the morning’s rush and the probable yelling that occurred getting to school on time. I thank Him for the journey I am taking with them. I am truly blessed to have those little men in my life. I thank you God for my babies.

When I think of my husband, Michael, I think of God. I thank Him for bringing a man into my life that has been by my side for some of the most dreadful things we’ve had to face, that I was given a gift of a husband that has stuck through with a perseverance that I respect and that leaves me in awe at most times. I am truly blessed to have married my best friend, and to have someone to hold me when the day’s gone right or wrong. And to have someone to laugh with. To cry with. I am truly blessed to have a wonderful man beside me, even when he makes me want to pull my hair out or roll my eyes! :)~

When I think of my Mom, I think of God, she was His baby too, and no matter what might have occurred behind closed doors, I know that she loved me and that she did the best she knew how to do at that time. When I think of my mom, I thank God for giving me a woman that survived one traumatic event after another her entire life. And she did it with style! She lived one hundred years in her short fifty-seven, and she taught me, though harshly, she taught me what she knew so that, hopefully I wouldn’t walk down that same path. I thank God for my mom, and He knows that I miss her dearly. When I thank Him, He hugs her for me and she smiles, because she is truly free, I am her baby, and the love I have for my children is exactly what she feels for me. I am truly blessed to be loved so fully. I thank God for this all consuming love.

When I think of my dad, I always smile :D He is a good, kind, funny man that is incredibly strong, we are too much alike, and when we clash that is usually why, because we are too much alike. So when I say he is a good, kind, funny, strong man, why don’t I always see those same qualities in myself? Good question, huh? Yeah. It’s easier to point to someone else and say that’s what I want, that’s who I want to be, that’s how I want to live, that’s how I want to look. On and on and on. So, I promised myself and God that I would start looking in – I would sit with Christ all day long, every time I thought of those that mean the most to me, I would think of Him. He is a wondrous loving God that wants us to think of Him, to remember Him when we remember those we love because He was the One that initially taught us to love in the first place.

There are different translations of the bible. Until I understand something, I mean really get to the meat of a subject, I am not comfortable just following the status quo. No matter the area of life, politics, world views, economics, religion, child rearing – I cannot just follow as if I am part of a herd – now I know that might seem against what Christ was, the lamb who will come back as the lion, our shepherd. What I mean is I will not be led without testing something first. And testing it fully, mulling it over, tasting it, feeling it – until I do that I cannot just say, oh OK, cool. So here is Psalms 119:105, for the translations I used via www.BibleGateway.com:

New International Version:
”Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.”

The Message Version:
“By your words I can see where I'm going;

they throw a beam of light on my dark path.

I've committed myself and I'll never turn back from living by your righteous order.

Everything's falling apart on me, God;

put me together again with your Word.

Festoon me with your finest sayings, God;

teach me your holy rules.

My life is as close as my own hands, but I don't forget what you have revealed.

The wicked do their best to throw me off track,

but I don't swerve an inch from your course.

I inherited your book on living; it's mine forever—

what a gift!

And how happy it makes me!

I concentrate on doing exactly what you say—

I always have and always will.”

I love studying the different translations, trying to get to the meat of the word. Sometimes, when I text them my friends think I’m speaking in tongues, because as you can see, The Message translation can be, at times a bit longer!

Anyway, I’ve got to get to work on my coupons and box tops, emailing the parents in 5th grade – I’ve become my eldest’s room mom, and I’m teaching Sunday School – WOW!! I’m really enjoying this time, there are times my heart vibrates, I’m so excited and nervous at the same time, but I am truly enjoying the learning process, being a part of something, being a part of a group.

I had a major AHA! Moment at Celebrate Recovery last night. That I will share next time.

God’s Blessings on your day! Until next time, here’s to the rest of the journey… (lifting my coffee cup!)

What do you say when someone passes away?

What do you say when someone’s passed away? What words of comfort can you extend to those left behind? There’s no set script to follow. However, what I can tell you is this; talk about the person that’s passed away. Tell funny stories, and talk about the laughter, the good memories. The times that that person made a difference in your life. Something you took away from a conversation with them.

The most painful thing that happens after someone passes away is it seems as though that person just disappears, they had no bearing in this world, and any good, anything lasting no longer exists, no longer matters. And they did matter. If for a moment, they mattered. And it is so very painful when people, because they don’t know what to say, say nothing at all.

The reason I bring this up is one of my mom’s friends from high school recently passed away. This woman lost her eldest daughter at the age of 18 due to an eating disorder. I attended high school with her daughter, she was absolutely lovely, and she won many modeling contests. But even she beat herself up, wouldn’t eat, would binge, and take laxatives. She hurt herself so badly, and all for weight. For looks. For things that are so fleeting. And the first thought I had when I heard that my mom’s friend passed away was she’s with her eldest baby now, her daughter is loving on her. That’s what I chose to see in my mind’s eye. My mom and dad lost three children during their marriage. And that was the second thing I’d thought of, when I started to change my thought process concerning my mom’s passing. The first was she’s running! She’s leaping! She’s in a “body” like none that she had available to her here on earth. Because she was wheelchair bound. So she’s running with her babies, and she’s laughing.

When someone passes away don’t turn away, feel the emotion, face it head on. Laugh with the one it affects most. Share a remembered story. Talk about that person. No one talks about my mom. She existed, and she mattered.

The First Day Of School Brings Memories Along With It...

My babies <3

Today’s the first day of school for the boys and my husband is attending the Summit at church. It’s a quite uneventful day after an incredibly busy eventful summer. If I let it it could become maddening – anticlimactic, like when you’ve planned a big party, a holiday event, a wedding, there’s always the silence afterwards. However, I’m enjoying the quiet and I know the boys are loving school. Night and day from me – I loved learning, but I was the butt of so many jokes, jeers, and bullying that I wanted to stay home all of the time. I’m glad my boys are happy with and in school. I hope and pray that it remains that way.

I’m filling out paperwork that should have been completed for my youngest. I dropped the ball, and in all honesty, as you can plainly see, I am not filling it out now, either – I am typing. HELLO! I’ve been discombobulated as of late. Biting at the bit if you will. I want to get a job so badly that I can taste it. My youngest still needs me, well, really, they’ll both always need me – more when they’re older, I think – but it’s a good feeling, really, to be needed. I am just so tired of always being so broke. And I know it’s hard on my husband, too. I think it’s harder on a man. I’m holding down the fort, as it were, and I’ve been holding it down so darn long I feel like part of the foundation. I want work friends again. I want adult conversation. I want to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. And I want my family happy. It’s amazing, if you let it, how much money can control you. And you can’t change anyone else’s perception of it – you can only control (I am a freak, y’all know!) yourself. And even that is marginal at best.

My mind, emotions, heart are all over the place. Perhaps it’s just the change of year. Not seeing my friends of old this summer as I’d hoped to see them. I’d thought it would be easy peasy to take a trip home. And Christmas. Well, there’s no one but my dad to really go home to at Christmas time. And that’s always so darn painful anyway. I’ve been chatting with my mom’s childhood friend that lives in Florida and we’ve talked of getting together, possibly, for Christmas -- now it's selling that to dad! It would be nice to be around another woman that’s known me since I was in diapers. There’s a comfort there. Knowing a woman that knew your mother before marriage and all of the pains of life eroded your parent down. Perhaps that’s what’s bothering me. I see these posts about other women’s mothers and it just leaves me feeling unable to connect – my mom is dead. I believe oh so dearly in our Lord Jesus Christ and I love my Lord. But there are times, even with that strong connection, that I feel a disconnect from everything else. Having faith is believing without seeing, and I believe without seeing, yet I want that touch. That touch, that smile that laugh, that hug. I’m jonsing my mommy. I am missing my mommy so badly right now. Perhaps that’s the homesickness I’ve been feeling. It’s not so much “home” I’m missing, as the “heart” of my home. My heart’s been broken for so long, I’ve gotten used to not feeling at a deep level, and now that I am, I’m not liking it too much. It hurts.

Here’s a great bible verse that a friend of mine said is her favorite, and I love the Message translation, it is Psalms 86:11 “Train me, God, to walk straight; then I’ll follow Your true path. Put me together one heart and one mind; then, undivided I’ll worship in joyful fear. From the bottom of my heart I thank You, dear Lord; I’ve never kept secret what You’re up to. You’ve always been great towards me – what love! You snatched me from the brink of disaster! God, these bullies have reared their heads! A gang of thugs is after me – and they don’t care a thing about You. But You, O God, are tender and kind, not easily angered, immense in love, and you never, never quit. So look me in the eye and show kindness, give Your servant the strength to go on, save Your dear, dear child! Make a show of how much You love me so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed, as You, God, gently and powerfully put me back on my feet.” AMEN!!

This is the Lord I envision: He presents Himself in such a manner that you can understand Him. Be He a woman, a man, a child, black, white, Asian, Hispanic. No matter, he comes in the form that you can understand and open up to. Now, the devil can do this too. The way to test the truth is to really listen, to test them, to test what is good, what is right. If it is wrong, if it is perverted, it is Satan. If it is good, right, and does not harm you or anyone else, it is our Lord. Period. God does not hurt. Anyone that states otherwise is not in the word. Unfortunately having that little apple in the garden took care of all of that.

Well, I best wrap this up. I’ve had a good cry while writing it. Time to straighten the shoulders, lift the chin and stiff upper lip – the Lord is with me, and He is with you as well.