We attend a church in Franklin, TN that was literally love at first site for our entire family. We plugged in quickly, the boys were at home, my husband and I were at home. We healed old wounds in Celebrate Recovery, and found more we had no clue existed. Our boys learned lessons in the struggles we faced, in the way a child would process it. We were a living, breathing embodiment of what church can do to change a family for the better.
Then life happens.
Churches are, not only in America but I assume everywhere, big business.
Family's like ours - my husband grew up Catholic, he says he has an advanced degree in guilt, I grew up Missouri Synod Lutheran, my husband calls it Catholic light - we had the bible beaten into our heads, but not our hearts. Churches like the one we have been attending for four and half years did both, they opened our eyes, our minds, our hearts to the meaning of a relationship with Jesus. Yes, avoid sin, but more importantly turn to Papa, Father-God, Jesus Christ.
Because of the changes that occurred (I've my own personal opinion that need not be posted, because it is personal and I've no intention of hurting anyone - I just need to voice my opinion, thoughts, heart-process as we go through this change) we are in the midst of possibly changing churches. One part of me screams not to, in teaching our children to hang on through tough times - be it marriage, changes in life, whatever - they must have parents that teach them how to hang on and not run away. Yet, at the same time it is so difficult to go through the doors of a place that no longer feels like home. A great speaker's a great speaker, but if there's no "essence" to it - just flash bang and comedy - what do we hold onto?
I talked with my family today because I'm hurting. I'm sad. I'm tired. My youngest said, with emphatic eyebrows raised, "Mommy, it's easy - talk to Jesus, He's there! And you can teach us!"
I love it when my children make something so clear, because everything is jumbled right now. My faith is strong, but my faith in man is very low - we're suppose to love our neighbor as ourselves, we are created in His image - so what if I dislike man, do I then dislike God? The perpetual hamster on a wheel, wack-a-mole times a million.
I'm also hurt because the bible is the written word, the living breathing word of God. Yet man created the bible. Man chose the books that went into the bible. I do not trust man, man is fallible, man makes mistakes, and man misleads for his own agenda. I do not trust man.
In trusting God, in listening to Jesus in my heart the answers are simple. Be more like Mary, sit down, listen, meditate with Him, pray to Him, do not be a part of this world, but be a part of Him, thereby being a light to others that feel as lost as I do.
Yeah, being an adult sucks sometimes.
