Saying Goodbye Is Sometimes A Choice...

There's a photo statement on Facebook that says:

"I don't care if you're going to tell everyone

about what I have done to you.

But please, just don't forget to tell them

about what you did to me."

This is a tough thing to do when you want to sway someone else's opinion toward your way of thinking, isn't it? Yet - to live morally we must try. And to look one self in the mirror with a feeling of having tried.

I live my life this way, because I've lived through being the one lied about - the truth has always come out - but the damage is done, isn't it?

What can be so detrimental to someone is the "who" behind the lie. The "who" that is suppose to rise above. The "who" can flatten you, the "who" can damage you.

How do you rise above, how do you begin the road to recovery?

First, and most importantly, start with telling yourself how grateful you are for "A,'" "B," and/or "C."

Find a place in your home, your car, your job, your mind, that you can go, and start to thank God, yourself, whomever or whatever you speak to when you're mulling over whatever it is that is holding you back. I start with this, and expound on it, and I do this every day, especially when the "I wish" statements start to needle me.

This was my self talk today, "This is such a beautiful neighborhood. We are so lucky. I am so grateful. We are in a beautiful neighborhood with lovely neighbors. We are in a wonderful country," (don't get snarky or sarcastic here and fill in the blank with whatever political affiliation you have, or what you've read that has ticked you off - this is a grateful moment, not a back pedaling moment! You are speaking gratefulness into your being, don't be an ass to yourself, there are plenty of people in your life more than willing to fill that job requirement, don't you do it to yourself.) "Look at this home, (we rent, so it has never been "my" home, but I do take some ownership, but because we're not allowed to change anything, I take ownership of the love and family we bring to the table) we are so blessed, I am so grateful. I am so grateful. Thank you so very much for all of the blessings that have been bestowed upon us, thank you for the trust you've placed in me, thank you for my family, thank you for all that I have been given. Help me to be worthy, and help me to always see how blessed I have been, and to always be grateful and aware of how blessed I, and my family, are."

I grew up in a small town in NW Illinois, because it is only 35 to 40 minutes from Chicago, we often say we are from Chicago - it's logistics, and honestly, at the end of the day, who gives a hoot, right? It is a very poor town enclosed by four other small towns that refer to my hometown as "scumville." It doesn't bother me, because it will always be home, and those that refer to it as such, well, you've shown your true colors, now haven't you?  No one, unless they truly care about you - and I mean care in the sense of if something happens to you it will mess up their life something fierce. Any other care, well, it's like caring about whether your favorite flavor of bagel is available at the supermarket. It's frustrating for a moment, but certainly not earth shattering. Sounds cynical, but let's stop thinking we're all that and a bag chips, shall we? Where we live now? My goodness, we might as well change the name of the town to Mayberry for as wonderfully, peacefully quaint it is! 

As to goodbyes. Sometimes they're planned, sometimes they are not. 

I'm in the midst of a few goodbyes, and I don't want to linger, because I am a lingerer (is that a word - if not, it is now!) During my mother's death, I lingered for years, literally losing time because I was so focused on my loss, rather than my gain - I had one son, and when he was 4 years old we had another son. Take my word for it, lingering holds you back, there is no pay off, there is no award at the end of the day - there is simply time lost, and it is not worth it. Please - take my word for this, I speak from a point of recovery, and now re-emerging to understand that "goodbye" is simply a part of life. 

I have see-sawed from peace and freedom, to "oh man, I wished I'd've done this, I wish I'd've said that, or said that - I wish, I wish, I wish." Wish in one hand and poop in the other, as my mother use to say, and see what fills up faster. Wishing is nothing but one running on a treadmill thinking they're going to end up in another place geographically - you are literally spinning your wheels. STOP THAT!

How do we say goodbye when they're not planned? The easy answer is to write, write, write. Not necessarily in a blog, but long hand - there is something about the physical part of writing. When you're angry, the anger comes out in the pen, happy, it comes through the pen - the pressure, the physicality of it is satisfying and helps you get the pain, anger, happiness, joy, sadness out.

I'm in the midst of a goodbye. Only my immediate family and two friends know what has happened. I wish to keep it this way, because what was once sacred will become food for fodder for others, and frankly, I am tired of being entertainment for others who I don't really know, and if I did, we probably wouldn't like one another anyway. It sounds harsh, but it is, at the end of the day, no less true.

Who have you got to say goodbye to? Is it an old version of yourself that is holding you back? Is it a parent that is long dead, or no longer in the picture? Is it an old love that you know that you know that you KNOW wouldn't have worked out anyway, but you've romanticized a future with? Whatever or whomever you've got to say goodbye to, start today, do not wait.

You've waited long enough, now, haven't you?