... Now what?

It's been a ride, hasn't it? This recession. This election. This millennium. It's been a ride. And y'all wanted change, right? Change was necessary to make our country great once more, right? Get your heads out of the clouds. You've changed things, no doubt. Want socialism? Move to Canada. Want communism? Move to Russia... Cuba... North Korea... China (they'll claim they're not :) ) If you want freedom the first thing everyone must realize is you'll have to work hard. Factory hard. Building a car hard. Delivering a newspaper with own two hands on your own two feet hard. Postal worker hard. We, as a society, do not know what "hard" work is anymore. We used to. Remember Rosie the Riveter? That was what were we, what we have come from, and what we must aspire to. Because that was ethical, moral, and honest hard work. Hard equated to feeling damned good about yourself at the end of the day... earning your keep... earning your way... and making a difference.

Now, before anyone posts angry posts, remember this: This is an opinion. Opinions are what we are all guaranteed under the Constitution of the United States of America. As you have a right to post what you wish, so do I, and we must sometimes agree to disagree. And that is all right, because the more people post, the more we will communicate our opinions, perhaps even learn something from one another. Let's keep this civil. Let's show etiquette, and common courteous for one another at all times. If it becomes too heated, and what I mean by that is all lack of control is evident, then we must move on. No and, ifs, or buts. Leave it and move on. That is a point of no return. Please do not post here if you cannot abide by those simple rules.

Onto my groove..... :) When our eldest little man was born I sat and sobbed for quite some time with my mom. I did not know that she would be dead within a few short months. All I knew is that she had lost a child to SIDS, and I could not fathom how she survived that. How do you survive the death of your baby? The baby you grew to know and love even before you met them and named them? She said you breath through the pain. The pain and sadness never go away, you learn to live with it. The immensity of having a child in "this day and age" hit me full force. I asked my mom, "what in the hell am I thinking bringing a child into this ugly world? Why did I do this to him?" She smiled that sweet mom smile, and shook her head, "you were born when Chicago was rioting, right after Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert Kennedy were murdered. You were born when we landed on the moon, and when the Vietnam War was still under way. Children are born so that we can, hopefully, make someone that will one day make a difference. So that, years down the road, they can tell their children about their grandma."

We didn't know that during that time that I sat with mom she put me through mommy boot camp. Everyday was something new, and most often many something news. We didn't know that, in a way, we were preparing for my mom's departure. Now, mom was only 56 years old. She'd lived a very hard life, and had so much wisdom, it was as if she were 90 instead of just 56. I, now that it has nearly been 9 years (11/16/00) that she's been gone, can see how so very lucky I was to have had such a wondrous, kind, loving, tough, feisty mother in my life. No one could push my buttons like my mom! Oh my, but she could make me angry! And I know I do that with my boys, because I see the same roll of the eyes :) But you know, I hope, though I hope they do not mourn as long as I did, I hope that they remember me with as much wonder as I have come to remember my mom.

And now, I am trying my darnedest to come out from under my mom's shadow. She didn't place it there, I did. I have to work through this and find my way, hence my blog of finding my groove in the middle of all this. I want to get back into school in the fall, nothing fancy - Harper College for a certificate in computers. Find a job relatively close to home, that would be cool :) But first, I have to shake this constant "I'm not good enough to be here" feeling off. I judge myself harshly, and I need to love myself just a bit more. Once I'm there.... :) Lord Almighty, I will be unstoppable!

And that's for Saturday, May 30, 2009.... have a great weekend!