I didn't realize that I was sad until I spoke in my small group in celebrate recovery yesterday. And the funny thing is, I'm not really "sad," I'm actually the happiest I have been in years. But that word, Mother, holds so much meaning. For so many of us.
Yes, it will be a wonderful Mother's Day. Yet for so many it will not be a wonderful Mother's Day for many reasons. Foremost is the memories. The loss of laughter. The loss of strength. The loss of having someone on this tumultuous planet that got me. That got me on a level that no one else, even my husband who I consider to be my best friend, will ever get me. There's a soul lost feeling that is utterly and wholly empty. A throbbing, unsettling empty. An all encompassing empty that is so filling it pushes all else out.
I am hanging onto Jesus' promise. As I do every day. Yet, there are days, like this Sunday, that I hold on a little tighter. No one will see my real pain because I am great at hiding it, I've been an awesome actress over the years. Except, blessedly, with those in celebrate recovery. I love you ladies, you have been my lifeline to living my life once more. You're all in the same boat as I am... and yes, at times it has been a napping boat (inside joke :))
I have hung on with both hands, white knuckling it through for so long, I didn't realize I wasn't really living - not really - I was surviving.
Happy Mother's Day.
A woman, a mother, a wife learning to trust in Christ as she steps out of what has been her "norm."
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