I also attended a retreat with Franklin Christian Church, which I've done the last three years. I had a great time! Men would never understand the need for tears, laughter, more tears, confessions, laughter, snorting laughter, followed by balling - but let me tell you - if you have this then you've had a good time. IF you're a woman! No Midol needed, thank you very much!
Life's been quiet, hence the lack of reporting. I am, along with my husband, Mike, going to be attending Celebrate Recovery step study at Peoples Church Sunday evenings. What this is is a twelve step program, the principals of Christ's teachings, in a safe place. You deal with, and say goodbye to, any hurt, habit, hang up, or addiction you're facing. This doesn't mean you're "cured," it means that you can allow Jesus' grace to touch those parts of your heart that you thought were long dead - leaving you feeling less than... in everything. We're also working on our marriage, because let's face it, you do not stay together for fifteen years and have nothing happen that hurts, and hangs on, leaving you bruised, and sometimes, ready to run for the nearest exit. I need prayers concerning this, so if you think of me, please pray for my heart to heal. And pray that we give all we've got to this step study so as to have a life filled with joy and a hope.
A lot of the last paragraph is due to my surgery. And this is why: I ALWAYS turned to food. Always. Any sadness, there was a nibble I could force down so as not to cry. There was always a salty treat to eat to not yell, or face the pain. There was always a sweet something to overdo it on so as not to remember the heartbreak. Now, I cannot eat more than a half a cup of food at a sitting. It doesn't mean I cannot overeat. It means that I MUST chose better. I MUST chose healthy. I cannot have had this surgery, this painful incisions be for nothing. unbeknownst to me, I opened a huge can of worms when I started this stage of my life, if I'd known would I have done it anyway? Yes. Because, physically, I feel wonderful.
I have lost 59 pounds, and some 25 inches overall. The last three weeks I've averaged 2 pounds a week. I am still getting approximately 800 calories a day, over 60 grams of protein, and lots of liquids, and I work out everyday. I decided I was not going to let this bother me. It's slow going, BUT I am headed in the right direction. That's what's important. The latest picture is from retreat.
I am immensely proud of myself. Both in my weight loss, and in the way I have grown. So many of us at retreat have lost our mothers, some lost so much more. I met a girl who has lost her brother, mother, and father. She is one of the sweetest, kindest people you will ever meet. Such a grace she bestowed on all of us. In sharing our grief, and I don't know if everyone does this, but I do: I think as I speak. Now, I won't kid you, sometimes I do not just shove my foot down my throat, I shove my whole leg down my throat - so be careful not to do this! I said, when my mother died, my eldest was three months old. It was not expected, and it literally broke my heart. I had to grow up that day, I no longer had a mother to ask questions of, I no longer had a best friend to share my joys with. God bless Mike, he tried to fill her shoes, but they were much too large to fill. She was my all and everything, and I became a woman that day. This is not a boo-who moment, ladies and gentlemen, this is me raising my hand with my shakra like Xena and screaming at the top of my lungs. Because, if this hadn't had happened I might not have realized my true self, my strength, my wherewithal. Life happens. It's how we end up after the dust has settled that speaks volumes. The dust is still a bit stirred, but that's OK, I got this!
No comments:
Post a Comment