Why I Am A Conservative

 

Our nation, well some of our nation, voted for a new President on Tuesday the 6^th of November. Some of our nation did not. After witnessing and listening to a twenty three year Army veteran at my son’s middle school yesterday, the 7^th of November, I find it not only irresponsible but reprehensible that some refuse to vote. Because it will not make a difference? Are those men and women fighting for your right to vote making a difference? Is that family who does not have their daughter, son, husband, wife, aunt, uncle, mother, father at their table this Thanksgiving making a difference? Am I stepping on your toes? I mean to wake you up, not hurt you. There is no reason why anyone would choose not to vote.

And yes, I said new President. Perhaps the President who gained an additional four years in our White House will do a better job. My family and I, particularly my eight year old, is praying for this President. Equality does not mean exclusion. And fifty percent of the voters (I do not know if this is the country because many people did not vote) made it clear they do not care for the present administration, perhaps he will be more inclusive. We can hope. And we can pray.

Here are my personal reasons for voting for the opposing team, Romney/Ryan. First let’s address this talk of his firing people and liking it. He came into failing corporations, turned the ship around, and made the corporations viable, and prosperous. He liked firing the ones that destroyed 401Ks, that destroyed your future, that took advantage and who did not do an appropriate job running a corporation. Unless running it into the ground is considered appropriate. Funny how America’s been run into the ground, been taken advantage of, and the boss is less than what people hoped to see – it would have been nice to see Romney/Ryan do the same with our country as he has done with corporations. But, people like the sound bites, the rude behavior, the inappropriate use of the middle finger, and the less than honorable government of old. Welcome in the Jersey Shore. People want action? Ha!! Sure, Mr. President. We would like action, instead of the same old, same old.

Secondly, I believe that it is a woman’s choice to do with her body as she wishes, however, that does not include government sticking their noses into private religious insurance coverage. Here’s a fair exchange: If indeed the government can tell the religious establishments what they need to do, under the law, then the religious establishment must have a say in government. The Ten Commandments will be displayed at each and every government building in America, and in every Embassy overseas. Prayer will be mandatory before and after each and every government meeting. Bibles will be displayed in each and every room of the White House, and in every Embassy, available to all. That sounds like a fair exchange, don’t you think? Yes, it is. Because if church is not allowed into government, then there should be no government involvement in any religious organization, church, or school. Period. One Nation Under God.

Third, same sex marriage. Have at it! Make it a federal mandate that same sex marriage is absolutely legal. Again, do not force it on a religious organization, or a private citizen. If a religious institution is forced to perform same sex marriage, fine. Then you must attend church, you must tithe, and you must be in counseling prior to marriage. (None of which we very well know cannot be forced upon a citizen. So why force same sex marriage on those of us that believe the bible is God's breathed word?) Yes, that is a mandatory function under a right to marry within the religious institution. It is not the same sex marriage issue that is the problem; it is the rude push-your-way-in-until-they-give-up attitude that is causing people to dig their heels in. Hire a representative that speaks clearly, concisely, does not finger point (particularly with the middle finger), and acts in a civil responsible manner. More bees with honey my friends. More bees with honey than with vinegar. The bottom line of this argument is the bible supports a marriage between a man and a woman. You will not receive support, marriage wise, from a religious institution. You can, however, change the federal laws.

Fourth: Obamacare. The big one. The ultimate argument. Everyone should have insurance. Yes, they should. Here’s where the argument becomes sticky, because it is a right to be taken care of, medically, correct? We all agree, right? Who will be paying for those that cannot pay, but still have “free” insurance? You do realize that nothing is free, don’t you? You do realize, that though the argument goes, “I paid into this, I should get something out of it” doesn’t apply here because, though you may have ‘paid into it, ‘that does not make the hand up become a lifetime hand out. You understand the principal? Welfare was started as a hand up, to get people back on their feet until they were viable citizens to then contribute once more to the country. But that hand up became a hand out that people made a lifestyle. And it became such an ugly, uncontrolled animal so quickly no one is able to verify if the recipient is in need of the hand up, let alone worthy of it – did they indeed pay into the system long enough to receive a hand out for X amount of time? And that is where the ugly words come into play. People of a different mindset start to overuse the word racism. This isn’t racism folks. It is common sense. And that is lacking in our society. So – who is going to pay for Obamacare? Oprah Winfrey? Bill Gates? George Clooney? Do you have their telephone numbers, because you may need to call them. The last I heard two of the three are giving a mass majority of their money (tax break!!) to Africa, and the third lives most of his time in Italy.

Those are the big arguments of this election. The other issues, such as his “catching” Osama Bin Laden – Seal Team Six caught Osama Bin Laden – not Obama. Seal Team Six, who is now dead. Seal Team Six, the members of which were named by the administration. Libya. Egypt. The list goes on.

For me, as a conservative (I do not consider myself a Republican until I hear the person speak), it was pretty clear cut who I wanted as my President. I believe that, because the House is not run by Democrats that there are people left to hold the President’s feet to the fire, to hold him accountable. This is good. I do wish the Senate was Republican run as well. The most prosperous times in history have been when our President is Democrat and the House and Senate were Republican majority. But a dangled carrot of free this, free that, do what you like as long as you do it my way government won out. As Rome goes there goes America. With prayer, particularly prayer with thanksgiving, America will be fine. But we’ve all got to pray. We’ve ALL got to pay our taxes. Every. Last. One. Of. Us. Has got to pay our taxes.

Let me end with a bible verse and a hope: I hope Mr. Obama proves me wrong. I hope he does a fabulous job. I hope that he prays for guidance, steadfastness, honesty, and clarity while doing his job. I pray he proves me wrong.

Romans 13, the message translation. I like to reference an entire passage rather than one verse, because so many take verses from the bible out of context, they take the writer as being intrinsically against, or meaning harm to, someone or someone’s. I never want that to be the case. I am human, therefore I will have judgment. I pray constantly for discernment, grace to myself and others, and that whatever I have to say is said in love and with the best of intensions. I mean no harm to anyone at all, merely a voice that is heard in the din. God’s Blessings on your day!

“To Be a Responsible Citizen

Be a good citizen. All governments are under God. Insofar as there is peace and order, it’s God’s order. So live responsibly as a citizen. If you’re irresponsible to the state, then you’re irresponsible with God, and God will hold you responsible. Duly constituted authorities are only a threat if you’re trying to get by with something. Decent citizens should have nothing to fear.

Do you want to be on good terms with the government? Be a responsible citizen and you’ll get on just fine, the government working to your advantage. But if you’re breaking the rules right and left, watch out. The police aren’t there just to be admired in their uniforms. God also has an interest in keeping order, and he uses them to do it. That’s why you must live responsibly—not just to avoid punishment but also because it’s the right way to live.

That’s also why you pay taxes—so that an orderly way of life can be maintained. Fulfill your obligations as a citizen. Pay your taxes, pay your bills, respect your leaders.

Don’t run up debts, except for the huge debt of love you owe each other. When you love others, you complete what the law has been after all along. The law code—don’t sleep with another person’s spouse, don’t take someone’s life, don’t take what isn’t yours, don’t always be wanting what you don’t have, and any other “don’t” you can think of—finally adds up to this: Love other people as well as you do yourself. You can’t go wrong when you love others. When you add up everything in the law code, the sum total is love.

But make sure that you don’t get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed. We can’t afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don’t loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about!”

I've not posted in my blog for some time. There are several reasons for that, paramount was the loss of a cousin, then two on Facebook, they did not die, they “un-friended me.” I've done some soul searching, praying, and talking with friends that are in my life, that unlike the past, support me even when we may disagree.

One of the most difficult lessons to learn as a human being, let alone a woman, is that everyone will not always like you. Let's break this down:

As a human being we're taught to keep others close to us for security, for body heat, for procreation. That is just the basics.

Add in being an American and we're taught that we are supposed to be inviting, encouraging, an open door to show others what a wonderful life an American can have. This is more old school than it is for today's very young American. Nowadays young Americans seem to have front and center me, me, and oh yeah, more me.

Then you've got the woman's complex nature. This is also dependent upon whom they were raised by, what time frame they were raised. Were they rich, poor, middle class. I was born in the late 60s', I was raised by a conservative Republican family who remembered what it was like to live in Germany during Hitler's reign, and in Ireland during the potato famine. We are from humble beginnings, but a back bone for hard work, and hard play. I was taught I was to put others before myself, I was to make sure that everyone was happy, settled, comfortable, and well nourished. We were lower middle class, paycheck to paycheck living. My mother was insistent upon my being a worker from the get go, factory work was the easiest fastest route to this way of life. She did not know better, she did what she knew what to do at the time. A common saying our home was, “All I have to do is pay my taxes and die.” It was what it was.

Then you put this woman who is an American, people pleaser, overly concerned with everyone else, stay at home mother which can be very isolating, especially if your budget does not allow for frivolous activities… put her on Facebook. Holy Crap!! I mean seriously? Seriously!?! It's amazing no one's thought to create a movie about someone like.... me!

Now, here's the kicker. I was hurt years ago because a recording of my mom's voice was erased. What was frustrating to me was that I had stated how I heard my own voice, I sounded just like my mom - how beautifully, painfully, wonderful is that? It is truly a gift from God. Because I can hear her at any time if I so wished. Was that part of my previous post read by my family? No. It wasn't. What was read is how the recording was erased. It was made about them once again. Let me get this straight, and for once be brave: This blog is not about you, it is about me. Hence MY BLOG. I will not be held prisoner any longer by someone else's perceived wrong. Believe you me; they're not worried about anything that might hurt me. If that were the case they would have been there when my mother passed. My husband, father, and brother were.

Now, here's the beautiful part of all of this. I have friends that have lost their moms. And do you know what a gift it is that I can minister to them? Do you know what a joy it is to share their grief? Do you know the shear humility I feel at being there with them while they walk through what I did? My first born was 4 months old when my mother passed. To say that I was suicidal is to put it lightly. By the grace of God I am here today. My family was not there for that. No one reached out, but my goodness, when something happened in their lives the presses stopped. Now – I tell you this because you need the back story, who I am today is not who I was then. I was extremely fragile. I was damaged beyond words. I was wounded at a fundamental level. I was one step from death every single day for years. By God’s grace I am here.

So, where do we go from here? First, I needed to come to an understanding that it wasn’t about me. My perception of others attitudes, actions, lack of involvement was not about me. It was on them. I, at my core, had not changed – my personality has always been one of making sure that others were happier than me. That’s not touting who and what I was – I was put on this planet to make sure everyone else was safe, comfortable and well provided for. Period. No ulterior motive. Period. What people pleasers do not realize, they are too close to their addiction to see it, they are taken advantage of. They are used as door mats, they are used as the proverbial horse that is kicked when it is down. It is an addiction, have no misconceptions of this. It is an addiction. An addicted to feeling useful. Never mind that the usefulness is really a sickness of filling time with others needs, wants, addictions that they need filled – when we should fill our time with the Lord’s Word your time becomes easy to navigate – you become free! God is good all of the time, all of the time God is good. Never will God treat you as people have. Never will God let you down like people have. Never will God hurt you like people have. God is good all of the time. All of the time God is good.

After much prayer. Quiet contemplation. Taking myself out of situations that were not healthy, even situations that I was truly enjoying, such as my husband and my clan on Playstation 3, where players were treating others in a fashion that I recognized and which disgusted me. I could not condone it, so I backed myself out of it. We cannot change others – we can only change ourselves. How many times had I heard that same comment but could not wrap my mind around it. With change comes liberation! If you can liberate yourself slowly from each and every thing that you do not do for the glory of God – words cannot describe the absolute joy and freedom you feel from that choice. Make no mistake – it is painful! It is difficult beyond words! God can move mountains, do you believe He can change one small thing at a time that will make your life that much more fulfilling each and every day, thereby bringing glory to Him? The easy answer is YES!

In 15 days it will be my mother’s 12^th anniversary of leaving her earthly body and joining the Lord. My loss, my father’s loss (they had been married 41 years on her 57^th birthday, which was only 3 weeks prior – they were literally childhood sweethearts), my brother’s loss was profound. To look back at who and where I was, it saddens me to the core. How I wish I had a relationship with Christ at that point in my life. I believed in Him, no doubt about that. But there is a distinct difference between believing in and having a relationship with Jesus. My prayer for you is that you begin a lifelong journey in discovering Jesus Christ your Lord and Savior. He is real, He is a part of you, He is within you. He loves you. He will not let you down like people have. He will not abandon you like people have. He loves you so much that He died for you.

Here is Psalm 42. I’ll put it up in three different versions, The Message, Amplified, and NIV (New International Version). The Psalms were written primarily by King David. David was a man after God’s own heart. He also sinned against God. What is most beautiful about the bible is the stories of all of the people that were damaged beyond words, but loved by God – those called are usually not equipped. God equips them, thereby showing YOU how much more you can do with Him than without Him. God’s blessings on your day ♥

Psalm 42:1-11 (MSG)

 

“^1-3 A white-tailed deer drinks
from the creek;
I want to drink God,
deep draughts of God.
I’m thirsty for God-alive.
I wonder, “Will I ever make it—
arrive and drink in God’s presence?”
I’m on a diet of tears—
tears for breakfast, tears for supper.
All day long
people knock at my door,
Pestering,
“Where is this God of yours?”

⁴ These are the things I go over and over,
emptying out the pockets of my life.
I was always at the head of the worshiping crowd,
right out in front,
Leading them all,
eager to arrive and worship,
Shouting praises, singing thanksgiving—
celebrating, all of us, God’s feast!

⁵ Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
soon I’ll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
He’s my God.

^6-8 When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse
everything I know of you,
From Jordan depths to Hermon heights,
including Mount Mizar.
Chaos calls to chaos,
to the tune of whitewater rapids.
Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers
crash and crush me.
Then God promises to love me all day,
sing songs all through the night!
My life is God’s prayer.

^9-10 Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God,
“Why did you let me down?
Why am I walking around in tears,
harassed by enemies?”
They’re out for the kill, these
tormentors with their obscenities,
Taunting day after day,
“Where is this God of yours?”

¹¹ Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?
Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God—
soon I’ll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face.
He’s my God.”

Psalm 42:1-11 (AMP)

“¹ As the hart pants and longs for the water brooks, so I pant and long for You, O God.

² My inner self thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and behold the face of God?

³ My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, Where is your God?

⁴ These things I [earnestly] remember and pour myself out within me: how I went slowly before the throng and led them in procession to the house of God [like a bandmaster before his band, timing the steps to the sound of music and the chant of song], with the voice of shouting and praise, a throng keeping festival.

⁵ Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, my Help and my God.

⁶ O my God, my life is cast down upon me [and I find the burden more than I can bear]; therefore will I [earnestly] remember You from the land of the Jordan [River] and the [summits of Mount] Hermon, from the little mountain Mizar.

⁷ [Roaring] deep calls to [roaring] deep at the thunder of Your waterspouts; all Your breakers and Your rolling waves have gone over me.

⁸ Yet the Lord will command His loving-kindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me, a prayer to the God of my life.

⁹ I will say to God my Rock, Why have You forgotten me? Why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?

¹⁰ As with a sword [crushing] in my bones, my enemies taunt and reproach me, while they say continually to me, Where is your God?

¹¹ Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, Who is the help of my countenance, and my God.”

Psalm 42:1-11 (NIV)

“¹ As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, my God.
² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
³ My tears have been my food
day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
⁴ These things I remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
under the protection of the Mighty One^[d]
with shouts of joy and praise
among the festive throng.

⁵ Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

⁶ My soul is downcast within me;
therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
⁷ Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.

⁸ By day the Lord directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life.

⁹ I say to God my Rock,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
oppressed by the enemy?”
¹⁰ My bones suffer mortal agony
as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”

¹¹ Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.”

PHEW!

What have you been up to? How has the new year at school been going for you and your children? Are they enjoying their new school year? Their new teacher? I hope so! It’s so important that not only our children grow intellectually, but that they enjoy it while they learn.

I, too, am learning. I am in a creative writing class that is offered through our church. I’ve only attended one class, but I’ve completed my first assignment. And, that is a great sign for me – if I like something I’ll stay in it strong, doing the work that needs to be done.

I am involved with another church where some of my most enriching friends attend, and we are studying Beth Moore’s Goodbye Insecurity. So far so good. I still have some work to do for next Wednesday’s course, but the beginning of the week is always so busy and a whirlwind that I like to try to get all of my work done by Friday.

Sunday’s is church, Mike usually plays the trumpet in the Chapel, and I attend in the main auditorium, we’re the very definition of He’s a little bit country, she’s a little bit rockin’ roll! (:

Sunday evening’s Mike is studying the Bethel Bible series, which is an intense study of the Old Testament and the New Testament, one in one year, the other next year, a solid 2 year commitment.

I am attending the women’s Celebrate Recovery step study on Sunday evenings. This is going to be difficult but fulfilling. The largest part of my recovery is regaining that wonderful outlook on life I have always had. I lost some of that God inspired happiness. I have always been a very happy female, but life can sometimes kick you around, which everyone understands. What CR has done for me is made me realize, first, I am not alone. Second, what happened happened, do not ignore it, yet do not let it create a stagnant environment within your life and soul. I am stronger than what happened, and the Lord is not only with me, but He is within me – if he’s with me, then who can be against me? Hello McFly! (:

I’ve also become brave and filled out an application for a scholarship… we’ll see. I am hoping. I am so excited at the prospect.

“God's readiness to give and forgive is now public. Salvation's available for everyone! We're being shown how to turn our backs on a godless, indulgent life, and how to take on a God-filled, God-honoring life. This new life is starting right now, and is whetting our appetites for the glorious day when our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, appears. He offered himself as a sacrifice to free us from a dark, rebellious life into this good, pure life, making us a people he can be proud of, energetic in goodness.”
Titus 2:11-14 (MSG)

Have a wonderful day and weekend, God’s Blessings wherever you may go! (:

Boy Scout Popcorn!

Would you like some Cub Scout popcorn? http://www.trails-end.com/estore/home_alt.jsp;jsessionid=B8EB18CDEEA29E7B1CC0A9E605C52657?_requestid=307233

Dennis’ Scout ID: 15758442
Robert’s Scout ID: 15758622

They’ll show up as Dennis L. and Robert L. Thank you for considering it! (:

Exercising with God on a stationary bike

About the only person, besides my brother and father, that can substantiate any of what I say or do is my friend Pauleen. We've known one another since Kindergarten. She is in the photos above with me and the boys, and my husband and eldest little man. She was my matron of honor at my wedding, and has been a constant sounding board. I know she thinks that I help her more than she helps me, but I think it's pretty even :)

This blog started as a weight loss blog, what it has become is God saying clearly, “Deal with the junk in your head before you deal with the junk in your trunk.” Granted, that’s more along the lines of what I would say, opposed to what I think God would say, but He meets us where we are. Hence the cool sense of humor, He knows and loves me in spite of me, and He wants the best for me.

The last two weeks since the boys return to school, I’ve been working out at the clubhouse facility; I am, for lack of a better term, kicking my own butt! I have been riding the stationary for 2 to 2.7 miles every day, the program runs itself and that level 14 is a killer!!! :)

I digress. I’ve been sitting in God’s word the last few weeks. When I think of my boys, I think of God. I thank Him for bringing them into my life, despite the morning’s rush and the probable yelling that occurred getting to school on time. I thank Him for the journey I am taking with them. I am truly blessed to have those little men in my life. I thank you God for my babies.

When I think of my husband, Michael, I think of God. I thank Him for bringing a man into my life that has been by my side for some of the most dreadful things we’ve had to face, that I was given a gift of a husband that has stuck through with a perseverance that I respect and that leaves me in awe at most times. I am truly blessed to have married my best friend, and to have someone to hold me when the day’s gone right or wrong. And to have someone to laugh with. To cry with. I am truly blessed to have a wonderful man beside me, even when he makes me want to pull my hair out or roll my eyes! :)~

When I think of my Mom, I think of God, she was His baby too, and no matter what might have occurred behind closed doors, I know that she loved me and that she did the best she knew how to do at that time. When I think of my mom, I thank God for giving me a woman that survived one traumatic event after another her entire life. And she did it with style! She lived one hundred years in her short fifty-seven, and she taught me, though harshly, she taught me what she knew so that, hopefully I wouldn’t walk down that same path. I thank God for my mom, and He knows that I miss her dearly. When I thank Him, He hugs her for me and she smiles, because she is truly free, I am her baby, and the love I have for my children is exactly what she feels for me. I am truly blessed to be loved so fully. I thank God for this all consuming love.

When I think of my dad, I always smile :D He is a good, kind, funny man that is incredibly strong, we are too much alike, and when we clash that is usually why, because we are too much alike. So when I say he is a good, kind, funny, strong man, why don’t I always see those same qualities in myself? Good question, huh? Yeah. It’s easier to point to someone else and say that’s what I want, that’s who I want to be, that’s how I want to live, that’s how I want to look. On and on and on. So, I promised myself and God that I would start looking in – I would sit with Christ all day long, every time I thought of those that mean the most to me, I would think of Him. He is a wondrous loving God that wants us to think of Him, to remember Him when we remember those we love because He was the One that initially taught us to love in the first place.

There are different translations of the bible. Until I understand something, I mean really get to the meat of a subject, I am not comfortable just following the status quo. No matter the area of life, politics, world views, economics, religion, child rearing – I cannot just follow as if I am part of a herd – now I know that might seem against what Christ was, the lamb who will come back as the lion, our shepherd. What I mean is I will not be led without testing something first. And testing it fully, mulling it over, tasting it, feeling it – until I do that I cannot just say, oh OK, cool. So here is Psalms 119:105, for the translations I used via www.BibleGateway.com:

New International Version:
”Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.”

The Message Version:
“By your words I can see where I'm going;

they throw a beam of light on my dark path.

I've committed myself and I'll never turn back from living by your righteous order.

Everything's falling apart on me, God;

put me together again with your Word.

Festoon me with your finest sayings, God;

teach me your holy rules.

My life is as close as my own hands, but I don't forget what you have revealed.

The wicked do their best to throw me off track,

but I don't swerve an inch from your course.

I inherited your book on living; it's mine forever—

what a gift!

And how happy it makes me!

I concentrate on doing exactly what you say—

I always have and always will.”

I love studying the different translations, trying to get to the meat of the word. Sometimes, when I text them my friends think I’m speaking in tongues, because as you can see, The Message translation can be, at times a bit longer!

Anyway, I’ve got to get to work on my coupons and box tops, emailing the parents in 5th grade – I’ve become my eldest’s room mom, and I’m teaching Sunday School – WOW!! I’m really enjoying this time, there are times my heart vibrates, I’m so excited and nervous at the same time, but I am truly enjoying the learning process, being a part of something, being a part of a group.

I had a major AHA! Moment at Celebrate Recovery last night. That I will share next time.

God’s Blessings on your day! Until next time, here’s to the rest of the journey… (lifting my coffee cup!)

What do you say when someone passes away?

What do you say when someone’s passed away? What words of comfort can you extend to those left behind? There’s no set script to follow. However, what I can tell you is this; talk about the person that’s passed away. Tell funny stories, and talk about the laughter, the good memories. The times that that person made a difference in your life. Something you took away from a conversation with them.

The most painful thing that happens after someone passes away is it seems as though that person just disappears, they had no bearing in this world, and any good, anything lasting no longer exists, no longer matters. And they did matter. If for a moment, they mattered. And it is so very painful when people, because they don’t know what to say, say nothing at all.

The reason I bring this up is one of my mom’s friends from high school recently passed away. This woman lost her eldest daughter at the age of 18 due to an eating disorder. I attended high school with her daughter, she was absolutely lovely, and she won many modeling contests. But even she beat herself up, wouldn’t eat, would binge, and take laxatives. She hurt herself so badly, and all for weight. For looks. For things that are so fleeting. And the first thought I had when I heard that my mom’s friend passed away was she’s with her eldest baby now, her daughter is loving on her. That’s what I chose to see in my mind’s eye. My mom and dad lost three children during their marriage. And that was the second thing I’d thought of, when I started to change my thought process concerning my mom’s passing. The first was she’s running! She’s leaping! She’s in a “body” like none that she had available to her here on earth. Because she was wheelchair bound. So she’s running with her babies, and she’s laughing.

When someone passes away don’t turn away, feel the emotion, face it head on. Laugh with the one it affects most. Share a remembered story. Talk about that person. No one talks about my mom. She existed, and she mattered.

The First Day Of School Brings Memories Along With It...

My babies <3

Today’s the first day of school for the boys and my husband is attending the Summit at church. It’s a quite uneventful day after an incredibly busy eventful summer. If I let it it could become maddening – anticlimactic, like when you’ve planned a big party, a holiday event, a wedding, there’s always the silence afterwards. However, I’m enjoying the quiet and I know the boys are loving school. Night and day from me – I loved learning, but I was the butt of so many jokes, jeers, and bullying that I wanted to stay home all of the time. I’m glad my boys are happy with and in school. I hope and pray that it remains that way.

I’m filling out paperwork that should have been completed for my youngest. I dropped the ball, and in all honesty, as you can plainly see, I am not filling it out now, either – I am typing. HELLO! I’ve been discombobulated as of late. Biting at the bit if you will. I want to get a job so badly that I can taste it. My youngest still needs me, well, really, they’ll both always need me – more when they’re older, I think – but it’s a good feeling, really, to be needed. I am just so tired of always being so broke. And I know it’s hard on my husband, too. I think it’s harder on a man. I’m holding down the fort, as it were, and I’ve been holding it down so darn long I feel like part of the foundation. I want work friends again. I want adult conversation. I want to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. And I want my family happy. It’s amazing, if you let it, how much money can control you. And you can’t change anyone else’s perception of it – you can only control (I am a freak, y’all know!) yourself. And even that is marginal at best.

My mind, emotions, heart are all over the place. Perhaps it’s just the change of year. Not seeing my friends of old this summer as I’d hoped to see them. I’d thought it would be easy peasy to take a trip home. And Christmas. Well, there’s no one but my dad to really go home to at Christmas time. And that’s always so darn painful anyway. I’ve been chatting with my mom’s childhood friend that lives in Florida and we’ve talked of getting together, possibly, for Christmas -- now it's selling that to dad! It would be nice to be around another woman that’s known me since I was in diapers. There’s a comfort there. Knowing a woman that knew your mother before marriage and all of the pains of life eroded your parent down. Perhaps that’s what’s bothering me. I see these posts about other women’s mothers and it just leaves me feeling unable to connect – my mom is dead. I believe oh so dearly in our Lord Jesus Christ and I love my Lord. But there are times, even with that strong connection, that I feel a disconnect from everything else. Having faith is believing without seeing, and I believe without seeing, yet I want that touch. That touch, that smile that laugh, that hug. I’m jonsing my mommy. I am missing my mommy so badly right now. Perhaps that’s the homesickness I’ve been feeling. It’s not so much “home” I’m missing, as the “heart” of my home. My heart’s been broken for so long, I’ve gotten used to not feeling at a deep level, and now that I am, I’m not liking it too much. It hurts.

Here’s a great bible verse that a friend of mine said is her favorite, and I love the Message translation, it is Psalms 86:11 “Train me, God, to walk straight; then I’ll follow Your true path. Put me together one heart and one mind; then, undivided I’ll worship in joyful fear. From the bottom of my heart I thank You, dear Lord; I’ve never kept secret what You’re up to. You’ve always been great towards me – what love! You snatched me from the brink of disaster! God, these bullies have reared their heads! A gang of thugs is after me – and they don’t care a thing about You. But You, O God, are tender and kind, not easily angered, immense in love, and you never, never quit. So look me in the eye and show kindness, give Your servant the strength to go on, save Your dear, dear child! Make a show of how much You love me so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed, as You, God, gently and powerfully put me back on my feet.” AMEN!!

This is the Lord I envision: He presents Himself in such a manner that you can understand Him. Be He a woman, a man, a child, black, white, Asian, Hispanic. No matter, he comes in the form that you can understand and open up to. Now, the devil can do this too. The way to test the truth is to really listen, to test them, to test what is good, what is right. If it is wrong, if it is perverted, it is Satan. If it is good, right, and does not harm you or anyone else, it is our Lord. Period. God does not hurt. Anyone that states otherwise is not in the word. Unfortunately having that little apple in the garden took care of all of that.

Well, I best wrap this up. I’ve had a good cry while writing it. Time to straighten the shoulders, lift the chin and stiff upper lip – the Lord is with me, and He is with you as well.