PHEW!

What have you been up to? How has the new year at school been going for you and your children? Are they enjoying their new school year? Their new teacher? I hope so! It’s so important that not only our children grow intellectually, but that they enjoy it while they learn.

I, too, am learning. I am in a creative writing class that is offered through our church. I’ve only attended one class, but I’ve completed my first assignment. And, that is a great sign for me – if I like something I’ll stay in it strong, doing the work that needs to be done.

I am involved with another church where some of my most enriching friends attend, and we are studying Beth Moore’s Goodbye Insecurity. So far so good. I still have some work to do for next Wednesday’s course, but the beginning of the week is always so busy and a whirlwind that I like to try to get all of my work done by Friday.

Sunday’s is church, Mike usually plays the trumpet in the Chapel, and I attend in the main auditorium, we’re the very definition of He’s a little bit country, she’s a little bit rockin’ roll! (:

Sunday evening’s Mike is studying the Bethel Bible series, which is an intense study of the Old Testament and the New Testament, one in one year, the other next year, a solid 2 year commitment.

I am attending the women’s Celebrate Recovery step study on Sunday evenings. This is going to be difficult but fulfilling. The largest part of my recovery is regaining that wonderful outlook on life I have always had. I lost some of that God inspired happiness. I have always been a very happy female, but life can sometimes kick you around, which everyone understands. What CR has done for me is made me realize, first, I am not alone. Second, what happened happened, do not ignore it, yet do not let it create a stagnant environment within your life and soul. I am stronger than what happened, and the Lord is not only with me, but He is within me – if he’s with me, then who can be against me? Hello McFly! (:

I’ve also become brave and filled out an application for a scholarship… we’ll see. I am hoping. I am so excited at the prospect.

“God's readiness to give and forgive is now public. Salvation's available for everyone! We're being shown how to turn our backs on a godless, indulgent life, and how to take on a God-filled, God-honoring life. This new life is starting right now, and is whetting our appetites for the glorious day when our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, appears. He offered himself as a sacrifice to free us from a dark, rebellious life into this good, pure life, making us a people he can be proud of, energetic in goodness.”
Titus 2:11-14 (MSG)

Have a wonderful day and weekend, God’s Blessings wherever you may go! (:

Boy Scout Popcorn!

Would you like some Cub Scout popcorn? http://www.trails-end.com/estore/home_alt.jsp;jsessionid=B8EB18CDEEA29E7B1CC0A9E605C52657?_requestid=307233

Dennis’ Scout ID: 15758442
Robert’s Scout ID: 15758622

They’ll show up as Dennis L. and Robert L. Thank you for considering it! (:

Exercising with God on a stationary bike

About the only person, besides my brother and father, that can substantiate any of what I say or do is my friend Pauleen. We've known one another since Kindergarten. She is in the photos above with me and the boys, and my husband and eldest little man. She was my matron of honor at my wedding, and has been a constant sounding board. I know she thinks that I help her more than she helps me, but I think it's pretty even :)

This blog started as a weight loss blog, what it has become is God saying clearly, “Deal with the junk in your head before you deal with the junk in your trunk.” Granted, that’s more along the lines of what I would say, opposed to what I think God would say, but He meets us where we are. Hence the cool sense of humor, He knows and loves me in spite of me, and He wants the best for me.

The last two weeks since the boys return to school, I’ve been working out at the clubhouse facility; I am, for lack of a better term, kicking my own butt! I have been riding the stationary for 2 to 2.7 miles every day, the program runs itself and that level 14 is a killer!!! :)

I digress. I’ve been sitting in God’s word the last few weeks. When I think of my boys, I think of God. I thank Him for bringing them into my life, despite the morning’s rush and the probable yelling that occurred getting to school on time. I thank Him for the journey I am taking with them. I am truly blessed to have those little men in my life. I thank you God for my babies.

When I think of my husband, Michael, I think of God. I thank Him for bringing a man into my life that has been by my side for some of the most dreadful things we’ve had to face, that I was given a gift of a husband that has stuck through with a perseverance that I respect and that leaves me in awe at most times. I am truly blessed to have married my best friend, and to have someone to hold me when the day’s gone right or wrong. And to have someone to laugh with. To cry with. I am truly blessed to have a wonderful man beside me, even when he makes me want to pull my hair out or roll my eyes! :)~

When I think of my Mom, I think of God, she was His baby too, and no matter what might have occurred behind closed doors, I know that she loved me and that she did the best she knew how to do at that time. When I think of my mom, I thank God for giving me a woman that survived one traumatic event after another her entire life. And she did it with style! She lived one hundred years in her short fifty-seven, and she taught me, though harshly, she taught me what she knew so that, hopefully I wouldn’t walk down that same path. I thank God for my mom, and He knows that I miss her dearly. When I thank Him, He hugs her for me and she smiles, because she is truly free, I am her baby, and the love I have for my children is exactly what she feels for me. I am truly blessed to be loved so fully. I thank God for this all consuming love.

When I think of my dad, I always smile :D He is a good, kind, funny man that is incredibly strong, we are too much alike, and when we clash that is usually why, because we are too much alike. So when I say he is a good, kind, funny, strong man, why don’t I always see those same qualities in myself? Good question, huh? Yeah. It’s easier to point to someone else and say that’s what I want, that’s who I want to be, that’s how I want to live, that’s how I want to look. On and on and on. So, I promised myself and God that I would start looking in – I would sit with Christ all day long, every time I thought of those that mean the most to me, I would think of Him. He is a wondrous loving God that wants us to think of Him, to remember Him when we remember those we love because He was the One that initially taught us to love in the first place.

There are different translations of the bible. Until I understand something, I mean really get to the meat of a subject, I am not comfortable just following the status quo. No matter the area of life, politics, world views, economics, religion, child rearing – I cannot just follow as if I am part of a herd – now I know that might seem against what Christ was, the lamb who will come back as the lion, our shepherd. What I mean is I will not be led without testing something first. And testing it fully, mulling it over, tasting it, feeling it – until I do that I cannot just say, oh OK, cool. So here is Psalms 119:105, for the translations I used via www.BibleGateway.com:

New International Version:
”Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.”

The Message Version:
“By your words I can see where I'm going;

they throw a beam of light on my dark path.

I've committed myself and I'll never turn back from living by your righteous order.

Everything's falling apart on me, God;

put me together again with your Word.

Festoon me with your finest sayings, God;

teach me your holy rules.

My life is as close as my own hands, but I don't forget what you have revealed.

The wicked do their best to throw me off track,

but I don't swerve an inch from your course.

I inherited your book on living; it's mine forever—

what a gift!

And how happy it makes me!

I concentrate on doing exactly what you say—

I always have and always will.”

I love studying the different translations, trying to get to the meat of the word. Sometimes, when I text them my friends think I’m speaking in tongues, because as you can see, The Message translation can be, at times a bit longer!

Anyway, I’ve got to get to work on my coupons and box tops, emailing the parents in 5th grade – I’ve become my eldest’s room mom, and I’m teaching Sunday School – WOW!! I’m really enjoying this time, there are times my heart vibrates, I’m so excited and nervous at the same time, but I am truly enjoying the learning process, being a part of something, being a part of a group.

I had a major AHA! Moment at Celebrate Recovery last night. That I will share next time.

God’s Blessings on your day! Until next time, here’s to the rest of the journey… (lifting my coffee cup!)

What do you say when someone passes away?

What do you say when someone’s passed away? What words of comfort can you extend to those left behind? There’s no set script to follow. However, what I can tell you is this; talk about the person that’s passed away. Tell funny stories, and talk about the laughter, the good memories. The times that that person made a difference in your life. Something you took away from a conversation with them.

The most painful thing that happens after someone passes away is it seems as though that person just disappears, they had no bearing in this world, and any good, anything lasting no longer exists, no longer matters. And they did matter. If for a moment, they mattered. And it is so very painful when people, because they don’t know what to say, say nothing at all.

The reason I bring this up is one of my mom’s friends from high school recently passed away. This woman lost her eldest daughter at the age of 18 due to an eating disorder. I attended high school with her daughter, she was absolutely lovely, and she won many modeling contests. But even she beat herself up, wouldn’t eat, would binge, and take laxatives. She hurt herself so badly, and all for weight. For looks. For things that are so fleeting. And the first thought I had when I heard that my mom’s friend passed away was she’s with her eldest baby now, her daughter is loving on her. That’s what I chose to see in my mind’s eye. My mom and dad lost three children during their marriage. And that was the second thing I’d thought of, when I started to change my thought process concerning my mom’s passing. The first was she’s running! She’s leaping! She’s in a “body” like none that she had available to her here on earth. Because she was wheelchair bound. So she’s running with her babies, and she’s laughing.

When someone passes away don’t turn away, feel the emotion, face it head on. Laugh with the one it affects most. Share a remembered story. Talk about that person. No one talks about my mom. She existed, and she mattered.

The First Day Of School Brings Memories Along With It...

My babies <3

Today’s the first day of school for the boys and my husband is attending the Summit at church. It’s a quite uneventful day after an incredibly busy eventful summer. If I let it it could become maddening – anticlimactic, like when you’ve planned a big party, a holiday event, a wedding, there’s always the silence afterwards. However, I’m enjoying the quiet and I know the boys are loving school. Night and day from me – I loved learning, but I was the butt of so many jokes, jeers, and bullying that I wanted to stay home all of the time. I’m glad my boys are happy with and in school. I hope and pray that it remains that way.

I’m filling out paperwork that should have been completed for my youngest. I dropped the ball, and in all honesty, as you can plainly see, I am not filling it out now, either – I am typing. HELLO! I’ve been discombobulated as of late. Biting at the bit if you will. I want to get a job so badly that I can taste it. My youngest still needs me, well, really, they’ll both always need me – more when they’re older, I think – but it’s a good feeling, really, to be needed. I am just so tired of always being so broke. And I know it’s hard on my husband, too. I think it’s harder on a man. I’m holding down the fort, as it were, and I’ve been holding it down so darn long I feel like part of the foundation. I want work friends again. I want adult conversation. I want to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. And I want my family happy. It’s amazing, if you let it, how much money can control you. And you can’t change anyone else’s perception of it – you can only control (I am a freak, y’all know!) yourself. And even that is marginal at best.

My mind, emotions, heart are all over the place. Perhaps it’s just the change of year. Not seeing my friends of old this summer as I’d hoped to see them. I’d thought it would be easy peasy to take a trip home. And Christmas. Well, there’s no one but my dad to really go home to at Christmas time. And that’s always so darn painful anyway. I’ve been chatting with my mom’s childhood friend that lives in Florida and we’ve talked of getting together, possibly, for Christmas -- now it's selling that to dad! It would be nice to be around another woman that’s known me since I was in diapers. There’s a comfort there. Knowing a woman that knew your mother before marriage and all of the pains of life eroded your parent down. Perhaps that’s what’s bothering me. I see these posts about other women’s mothers and it just leaves me feeling unable to connect – my mom is dead. I believe oh so dearly in our Lord Jesus Christ and I love my Lord. But there are times, even with that strong connection, that I feel a disconnect from everything else. Having faith is believing without seeing, and I believe without seeing, yet I want that touch. That touch, that smile that laugh, that hug. I’m jonsing my mommy. I am missing my mommy so badly right now. Perhaps that’s the homesickness I’ve been feeling. It’s not so much “home” I’m missing, as the “heart” of my home. My heart’s been broken for so long, I’ve gotten used to not feeling at a deep level, and now that I am, I’m not liking it too much. It hurts.

Here’s a great bible verse that a friend of mine said is her favorite, and I love the Message translation, it is Psalms 86:11 “Train me, God, to walk straight; then I’ll follow Your true path. Put me together one heart and one mind; then, undivided I’ll worship in joyful fear. From the bottom of my heart I thank You, dear Lord; I’ve never kept secret what You’re up to. You’ve always been great towards me – what love! You snatched me from the brink of disaster! God, these bullies have reared their heads! A gang of thugs is after me – and they don’t care a thing about You. But You, O God, are tender and kind, not easily angered, immense in love, and you never, never quit. So look me in the eye and show kindness, give Your servant the strength to go on, save Your dear, dear child! Make a show of how much You love me so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed, as You, God, gently and powerfully put me back on my feet.” AMEN!!

This is the Lord I envision: He presents Himself in such a manner that you can understand Him. Be He a woman, a man, a child, black, white, Asian, Hispanic. No matter, he comes in the form that you can understand and open up to. Now, the devil can do this too. The way to test the truth is to really listen, to test them, to test what is good, what is right. If it is wrong, if it is perverted, it is Satan. If it is good, right, and does not harm you or anyone else, it is our Lord. Period. God does not hurt. Anyone that states otherwise is not in the word. Unfortunately having that little apple in the garden took care of all of that.

Well, I best wrap this up. I’ve had a good cry while writing it. Time to straighten the shoulders, lift the chin and stiff upper lip – the Lord is with me, and He is with you as well.

Bible Verses, more fulfilling than you think.

I have a bible study that I attend for Made To Crave. It is refreshing to study something I am so intimately in touch with, something I’ve craved since I was a baby. Food. But, like most addictions that we face, no matter what that addiction is, the underlying cause is more significant than the actual addiction itself. Mine was a culmination of “things” and “events” that I’d buried and dealt with only by eating them into oblivion. Facing these “things” and “events” is incredibly painful, and incredibly freeing. And it is ongoing.

The ladies I attend this bible study with stated, when I’d said I was having a particularly hard time, we should send a bible verse to one another every single day. I received a couple, but like most things, I’ve learned not to expect more than the cursory. And, frankly, that’s what I got. But, here’s the really cool part – because it’s not about them, it is about me – in continuing to send the bible verses, whatever I’m feeling is what I’m going to work on through God, with God, and alongside God. Quite often I’ll receive a text or message back stating how much that verse helped someone. Now, really, how cool is that? I am quite done with the poor me; nobody takes the time because I’m not worth the time BS. I am worth the time and I am worth the effort. I’m a darn fine woman that is a darn fine mother and a darn fine wife, darn it! (giggle ;) false bravado!) And it’s about time I start to realize that through God’s word. His word has fed me where food could never reach, my soul.

So today is catch up on emails day, as I was out of commission last week. I had a horrible UTI (haven’t had one of those in 20 years!), a sinus infection and my monthly. I was laid flat out with a headache that was absolutely debilitating and a body that was fighting so hard to get rid of the infection that I was barely able to move. My husband has this wonderful boss that allowed him to work from home, while I recouped in bed for 4 days, Mike took care of our little guy (our other little guy was at One Of A Kind VBS for church), and basically was Mr. Mom for a week(ish). I think he is very happy to be back at work today! I kept up my bible verses that week. It would sometimes take me hours on my phone to find a verse, study it, study me, retype it, send it to myself, and then prepare it for those I share it with. It would take me hours because I’d think on it, fall asleep with the phone beside me, wake up, and start over. It was so humbling. To just be present in His word and nothing else.

What I’m learning is this, God is enough, so why aren’t we enough? If we are made in His image, why aren’t we enough? The Lord our God sent His only begotten Son to die for our sins. He, Jesus, chose to die for our sins, and we are forgiven. The way to everlasting life is through Him, and since He already died for us, then why aren’t we enough? It’s like a demented Red Rover, I know, but it’s a valid question, isn’t it? Why aren’t you enough? God loves you, He sent His son, Jesus, to die for you, why aren’t you enough? Meditate on that for a bit, find a bible passage every day. I use Jesus Daily, and also use a couple of free apps on my phone: Daily Verses and Your Version (bible) app. Remember to dig deeply within yourself every day. Every day the Lord just wants your love, nothing more. Just your love, because you are enough.

God’s Blessings my friends ♥

Summer!

Summer.

What a time. Wonderful is something we hope for. And wonderful is what this summer has been for the boys, Mike, and I.

The boys and I have spent nearly every day at the Home Owners Association Pool, HOA for those, like me, that are new to this sort of life. It’s supposed to be a group of people that want the same things out of life. And, I find that is true, yet, what does happen more often than not, is we as human beings become self centered and think only of, and worry only for, our own. And that is understandable, really, when you think about it, when you take a good look at what you do, who you are, what you think of, it is usually your own, your family.

What I am trying to change is thinking more about my own family. I was raised that one was to think of others first, then themselves. Here is an example; there was a big to-do about the pool opening at noon on Sundays. You would have thought that someone had dropped a dooky in the pool for all the noise being made about it. People, which I know if I sat with them would be the loveliest people around, were bringing religion into it, stating not everyone does this, not everyone does that. My statement was simple. America has become too politically correct. Rules are set in place for a reason. Some would argue to be broken. But aren’t they broken enough? Don’t we pay a huge price for the broken rules? When does accountability and transparency come back into play? We’ve all become entirely too politically correct. Some things are not OK, and yet we say if it doesn’t affect us, our home, our family, how is it hurting anyone? But it does hurt, doesn’t it? When rules are broken, people, our family, gets hurt.

So, this summer has been FA-BU-LOUS!!! :) I am the mom that I wanted my mom to be. I am there, always. I am on the sidelines in case my boys need me. My mom was uncomfortable in her own skin, as I am also quite aware of my own discomfort, but I’ll be damned if that holds me back from being with my boys every step of the way, no matter the pain of it. My husband and I chose and planned our boys’ births and prayed that they’d be happy, whole, and fulfilled. More fulfilled than we were.

When I was a young woman, I paid rent to parents, and I was told at the age 10 this would occur, so it was not a shock to me. Prior to my graduation from high school, because I turned 18 in February and graduated in June, I started to pay rent while still in school. ($150 a month while in school, $400 while out and attending Harper College) A portion of it would be placed off to the side for me as a down payment to a house, whatever I chose that money to go towards. When I moved out, met and married my husband a year and a half later, there was no money. I wasn’t surprised, not really. I was disappointed, sure. But not surprised. I don’t want to let my kids down that way. To outright lie to them and use their money for anything other than what I say I will use it for. Now, here’s the other side of that same coin; because of that I am the responsible woman you know and love today because of that lesson. What can seem horrible on the surface may very well be the one thing that saves your ass at the end of the day. And, in my case, it is how I am used to living, which is something I am learning I can change. I want to change. My husband and I deserve better out of this life. We simply must chose different, to focus on our family and ourselves for a change, and not worry so much about everyone else. Everything else will fall into place...

I’m off to get my boys at VBS, then swimming, of course! I thank you for taking this journey in life with me. I’d love to hear about your journey too.

God Blessings on your day!

Angeline